did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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