1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
