too bad you live with your parents still
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
