My first STD was from a foam party
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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