Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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