put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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