Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
