Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
