theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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