last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
