Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
