Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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