If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize