all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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