I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
