Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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