I cannot find my penis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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