first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
