This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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