look no pants
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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