Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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