i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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