Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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