When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
