Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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