he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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