youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
