i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
