That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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