people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
