Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
