I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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