I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
