her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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