We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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