Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
