u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
