i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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