I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
