ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I smell stomach acid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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