we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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