Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
