We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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