we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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