if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
