You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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