I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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