Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
