He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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