So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
