Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
