Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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