i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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