I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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