u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
false alarm. still invincible.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
