If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
