3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she told me i tasted like america
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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