I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
