I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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