he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
