im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
