The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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