I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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