Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
