if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
