my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
