i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
