Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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