You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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