I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?