i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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