Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
