I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
