jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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