How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
